The smells coming from the kitchen, the food that other people are cooking, aren’t making things any easier for this experiment. With each inhalation, scent molecules bind to scent receptors and the addiction heater is plugged in. I really enjoy eating. Particularly, there is a pleasure that I get from snacking. Where does that oral fixation come from? I am fine when I don’t snack but if food is around, why not? Is the infant in me still a slave to my mother’s breasts? And thus breasts in general? Food is comforting but it is still a master that I do not want to be controlled by.
So when I am feeling this urge to eat, I think about my purpose and my intentions in doing this fast and I think that what it actually is desire. We all have it and it pervades a myriad of corners of our human existence. There is a difference between responding from wisdom and reacting from fear. Desire seems to occupy the realm of craving. It isn’t a far stretch to associate this craving to attachment and then to the more fundamental derivation to fear and insecurity. Desire from fears? Will working on this area of attachment/addiction/craving reduce my own insecurities, my own fears? I don’t know. That’s what I am setting out to explore. I do know that when I feel like I am addicted to something, which is clearly apparent already, my instinct is to say, “No. I won’t be your slave.” I think many of us are mentally addicted to food. The film Supersize Me sure makes this clear.
Who wants to be controlled by another person or thing? Coffee, smoke, a relationship, the reoccurring patterns of our lives that we don’t want to experience again and again but seem to haunt us until we have learned the lesson? This short term suffering, I hope, will be an investment to a longer-term sense of well being.
I was inspired by two friends whose experience with this fast seemed to glow with light from the seams of their stories. To begin with, I am easily inspired and when someone tells me that they have never felt better after doing a certain kind of “experiment”, my name is already on the dotted line. It doesn’t take much. Besides, it’s time to cleanse. From what I have read, fasting should be a regular part of one’s physical, mental, and spiritual upkeep – and it makes sense to me. I think I eat pretty well but I am certainly not a food saint or a strict raw foodist. Besides, we live in a world of pollution, plastic off-gassing, and emotional stress. That, combined with the marinade of a recent relationship meltdown and a few sprinkles of life anxiety salts – well, the time is right to let go, to clean the pipes, and to slowly chip away at this beast and to continue my ascent of Mount Noslave.
My fast is based on the Master Cleanse fast. No one gets a royalty from this; it’s here for the world – essentially for free. Well, after finding enough organic lemons and organic maple syrup, it’s not as cheap as I thought it might be. Basically, two tablespoons of lemon juice, two tablespoons of grade B maple syrup (darker, more nutrients, less refined and sweet but more mapley), and a pinch of cayenne to the bottom of a cup. Stir. Fill the cup with good water. Stir. Make a prayer to the water* and down the hatch! (*Remember the film “What the Bleep Do We Know?!”
There is supposed to be ample nutrition from the fresh lemon juice, maple syrup as well as the blood purifying qualities that lemon juice is well known to have. The cayenne works on the excessive mucous that we harbor that inhibits efficient functioning of the intestines. Protocol is for a glass of this every hour or so. It’s really important that one consumes at least 12 glasses per day of this concoction plus additional water. Nothing more is to be eaten until the fast is over.
In researching for this fast, I learned that many companies use formaldehyde (remember those animals suspended fluid filled jars from science class!) in the production of the syrup so make sure you have a reputable source – call the company first if you need to. Obviously, when you stop eating, your bowl movements slow down or stop completely. This doesn’t really jive with actual cleansing of the system besides the fact that one isn’t putting crap food into their body. To maximize the positive effects of the detox, we have got to help the system a bit. I have chosen several assistants: psyillium husk, betonite clay, uniodized sea salt, and an herbal laxative tea that I take before bed.
The husk of the psyillium seed acts as a fiber that brushes the walls of the intestinal tract, thus providing the internal friction needed to loosen up the layers of sedimentary debris. Betonite clay, (reconstituted with water of course – “hey, I cahn’t ohpen my mouf!”) is supposedly the only thing that can remove plaque from the intestinal walls. When the plaque comes out, it supposedly looks like bits of broken egg shells. Ewww, yuk! While I really enjoy photography, there will not be any photographic documentary of this project. -- (mutual sighs of relief I am sure) -- Uniodized sea salt to provide a cleansing flush, after awaking in the morning. One quart of lukewarm water, two teaspoons of the salt, glug-glug. That’s a lot of water to drink all at once and that is precisely the reason why one has an amazing enema an hour later. I am doing yoga twists after drinking this to accentuate the cleansing and to massage my internal organs.
When I asked the young woman at the grocery store if she could help me with an herbal laxative tea, she brightened up and whisked me away in a flurry of enthusiasm. Wow, “you must have some personal experience with this” I said. She gushed “yes” and flashed a big smile. Her eyes said to me, “this is gonna be a godsend for what you are doing.” The main ingredient in all of these teas is an herb called senna. I thanked her for her unordinary friendliness and helpfulness and I was off to the check out stand with a small basket – mostly lemons – which would constitute my breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks for the next ten days.
9/30/05
I've resorted to peeing outside again. What a fabulous thing that is. While up in BC, living on land with friends it was customary and natural since most people had an outhouse or a toilet outside the living spaces. It just feels a little different when everyone uses a flusher. I begin to as well. This fast consists of drinking upwards of twenty glasses of fluids a day. Hence I am peeing a lot. I've been asked by my mom, who I have been visiting for a bit, to flush the toilet with each use because it is the local watering hole for the dog and the cat. My step dad rings in, "Yeah, we don't do it California-style up here." After the first day of flushing every hour, I realized I was using a lot of water to wash my nearly clear piss away. It's like four or five gallons every time -- I decided I could not live with that. My California roots still affect the way I use water I guess. So now, I make regular trips to the garden! I think there is something innately ancestral that harks back hundreds and thousands of years to the experience of fresh air in the lungs while relieving oneself. How simple and easy!
10/5/05
It's been 8 1/2 days since I started this experiment.
I feel really good. However, I’ve lost quite a bit of weight and strength and I go through periods of feeling quite concerned about this. I don't know how much but I think it is more than ten pounds -- and I am not the kind of person whose got poundage to throw around, lend out, give away or certainly lose. I am a skinny or as I prefer, slender, individual. I’ve always been that way and it's hard to imagine that changing in the future despite numerous warnings, like threats of an imposing storm, by large individuals, "When I was young, I was as thin as a bean pole!" The wafting implication that I might be on the same path. At this point, I need to be careful that I don't just vanish into thin air.
I think my concern is rooted in the image of the society man. What does a good man look like? Gandhi was skinny! Obviously, physical features can be very misleading as an indicator of a person's general health. I am just on the other, less acknowledged side of the spectrum. I think being underweight (whatever that means) would be preferable to me than being overweight. And the main point is that I feel good!
I don't feel hungry and haven't since day three of the fast. Hunger, even while in a grocery store (getting more lemons) just is not an issue. So in that sense, I feel like I satisfied that objective of breaking the addictive attachment to food. While it may very probably return, it's weaker because it knows it can be defeated and I do too. It can't wield the kind of power that it did when it wasn't questioned or challenged with discipline.
So why ten days? After all, it's just a number. How is it different than nine or eleven? It's an even number and it has common incremental importance. I suppose I could stop now and feel satisfied with the experiment. I've wondered what it is that I am trying to prove to myself or anyone else that I go to the common, incremental, comforting number ten? I wonder if any of this has to do with my ego? The creator of the fast has said that ten days is the standard amount, where individuals will experience dramatic results.
It is said that one can go forty days or even longer on this fast. Many great thinkers and philosophers, scientists, mystics, and renaissance individuals have undertaken fasts of this length. In some apprenticeship arrangements, it was required that the novice undertake a fast of thirty or forty days before they could be initiated or welcomed. Perhaps this was a show of sincerity or discipline but I think it had more to do with the direct experiences that an individual might gain from getting out of their body that would allow them to think big. If anyone can comment on examples or individuals who required this technique, I would be very interested.
When I did the Vipassana meditation retreat, sitting for twelve hours a day for ten days, it was the most difficult ten days of my life! There was something that couldn't have been experienced in five or even seven. It is said that for most students in this retreat, a fairly reliable set of experiences happen throughout the course's duration and they happen in an almost day two... day three.. day five or six... Bizarre and wonderful that such predictions can be made and there can be validity behind them.
I guess that's the approach I am using here. If the creator of the fast makes no money from me doing it, it doesn't matter how long I choose for them, they will say, based on all of their research, what works best for most individuals. It's trust in a method. This has always been difficult for me whether it is just following a cooking recipe or something like this. I am sure part of it is my own ego saying, "I know what would be even better for me." I am all for integration and personal variation but I think at least for the first time one approaches something challenging like this, it's important and grounding to let go and be guided.
I don't think I have ever been as interested in my own feces. How it changes from day to day has been intriguing in a strange and wonderful way. What's coming out is being directed to, intended and assisted. With each flushing, I am getting rid of baggage that I don't need. It's a mini celebration. Bad bacteria, fungi, parasites - who knows what's actually in there? These things inhabit all of our internal environs and the cleansing feels as good as it does when I give the house a good cleaning. Ahh, fresh start. It's just that in the body, without these hampering organisms that tax the immune system, the opportunity is even more meaningful.
1 comment:
Hey that's a great idea! what combination or ammounts of the psyllium, clay, etc. did you use?
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